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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27512101">Beacon of Light</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MutantsandSoldiers/pseuds/MutantsandSoldiers'>MutantsandSoldiers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dungeons &amp; Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons &amp; Dragons - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety, Comfortember 2020, Dungeons &amp; Dragons 5th Edition, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exhaustion, Friendship, Gen, Healing, Homebrew Content, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Psychological Trauma, Resurrection, Vulnerability, afraid to sleep, first day/night</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 04:13:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,290</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27512101</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MutantsandSoldiers/pseuds/MutantsandSoldiers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Being brought back to life, Yexa realizes that it's a lot harder than it seems. Thankfully, she has her companions to help her get back to her feet. It brings up dark realizations, though, and has the troll thinking about how her life will never be the same. She's not done yet. She's still got a lot of work to do.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Comfortember 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Beacon of Light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is just a small part of our homebrew campaign so if some things don't make sense, I'm sorry! This campaign has been going on for several years so there is a lot of content! I figured this would be a good entry for Comfortember 2020 because I don't think we ever really play out how traumatic and body-breaking being resurrected is for a character. Not sure if I'm going to add more chapters so I'm just going to keep it open.</p><p>Comfortember 2020:<br/>Day 2: First Day/Night<br/>Day 3: Nightmare<br/>Day 4: Anxiety<br/>Day 6: Afraid to Sleep<br/>Day 10: Crying<br/>Day 23: Exhaustion</p><p>Characters in the Party:<br/>1. Yexa (F) - Troll Eldritch Knight Fighter<br/>2. Aethelryd (F) - Aasimar Divine Soul Sorceress<br/>3. Morgana (F) - Gnome Divination Wizard<br/>4. Atlas (M) - Aasimar Lore Bard<br/>5. Oswalt (M) - Human Pirate Fighter<br/>6. Romando (M) - Half-Elf Druid of the Moon</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
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</p>
</div><p> </p><p>Life burst back into her body, lighting it up with feeling and energy. Yexa felt the warmth of magic slowly open her body up, allowing her spirit, the very essence of her, to move the previously dead limbs. She felt herself breathe in, taking oxygen into her previously-deflated lungs.</p><p>Her eyes opened, blinking away the film that had built up. The first face she saw was that of the beautiful aasimar spellcaster. Her blue eyes were shining with unshed tears, her delicate bow curve of a lower lip trembling. Yexa didn’t like how sad the woman looked in that moment.</p><p>She then looked up at the hovering giant creature. It stood taller than any dinosaur they had seen on Chult yet with four long, monkey-like arms, a furry body and those black eyes full of intelligence. Yexa knew that this creature was older than any creature on this small jungle island. This wasn’t just any giant...it was the Avatar of Ubtao.</p><p>
  <em>Champion of Ubtao. </em>
</p><p>The words echoed in her mind as the creature turned away. It left, stepping over the outer wall of the small town and pushing trees aside until it disappeared into the distance. Yexa wasn’t sure she could adequately explain in that moment how shocked she was. How heavy the knowledge that an actual God sent their Avatar to bring a lowly troll fighter back to life.</p><p>Her teammates wrapped her up in warmth, sound and excitement. She couldn’t hear anything they were saying because, she realized, everything was muffled. It was almost like she was underwater.</p><p>Fear flared in her chest. This was a new feeling. Trolls didn’t often feel fear but Yexa felt suddenly sick with anxiety. She had always been one of the best at hearing things, even silent assassins skulking in the jungle, and now...she could hardly hear anything.</p><p>A gentle hand stopped her before she could get lost. It touched her forehead, pushing back the dark hair so that she could feel its warmth. Healing magic soaked into the pores of the troll’s skin and cleared up the clog in her ear.</p><p>Sound came flooding back in and she could finally hear what her teammates were saying. “You’re overwhelming her!” Aethelryd said from where she sat with her hand still pressed against Yexa’s forehead. Crystal clear blue eyes look down and a smile spreads across her beautiful, aristocratic face. “How do you feel?”</p><p>Has the aasimar always been so beautiful? That was a stupid question, of course she had. She was part celestial. They were naturally beautiful, just like the other aasimar in their group: Atlas. She felt the woman cast another healing spell, filling her with more warmth and stitching the cuts back together.</p><p>“It hurts,” Yexa found herself saying, voice an absolute wreck. She winced when she found her throat dry enough to hurt as she spoke. “Water?”</p><p>“Of course,” Romando said, walking forward to pull out his waterskin. He offered it to Yexa with an understanding expression. His half-elf blood made his face delicate but it was hard to tell other than that under the mess of dirty hair and dusty appearance. “Here.”</p><p>She found her hands shaking so badly that she couldn’t hold it steady. Atlas was there in a moment, helping to lift her up into a seated position and Morgana, the small gnome wizard, took the bottle and gently guided it to her mouth. “You...we thought…” she couldn’t seem to string a sentence together in her dismay. It was hard seeing the cute little face that was usually so happy and enthusiastic so sad.</p><p>“You died!” Oswald said, earning an elbow from Romando who glared at him. Yexa had to admit she appreciated the pirate’s blunt honesty. She drank the entire waterskin in a couple of small gulps with Morgana’s help. “What? She’s probably really confused.”</p><p>“Can you stand?” Aethelryd asked after casting one last healing spell.</p><p>Truthfully, the troll wasn’t sure. Her body was numb. She knew the pain and hurt would catch up with her once her soul had settled completely but for now...she couldn’t feel anything. “I’m not sure,” she answered honestly.</p><p>Just like that, Atlas and Romando were on either side of her. The Druid and Bard each wrapped one of her arms over their shoulders and hoisted. They were both much shorter than the seven and a half foot troll but all she needed was to get her feet under herself. Aethelryd was there with her hands on Yexa’s hips to steady her until she could figure out how to get her legs to work.</p><p>Placing her large blue hands on either man’s shoulder, she took a few deep breaths. Her world was spinning violently and her legs shook. She felt nauseous for a second before everything settled. The grounding hands of her companions helped, a lot. She felt like a newborn calf, all long limbs and confusion.</p><p>Thankfully, they weren’t too far from the manor at the edge of the town. The further she walked, the more confident she became in herself. Her legs started to gain feeling as blood pumped through the muscles. She still held onto a shoulder from each man at her side and she noticed that Morgana was holding her trident and Oswalt had her bag.</p><p>She thought about telling Morgana to leave the weapon because she could just summon the magical weapon at any time. Her head pounded at the thought of using her magic to call the bonded weapon to her hand. She had a feeling several days of sleep would be needed for her to feel back to full health and strength after what she went through.</p><p>It was slow going. “Stop, let her take a break,” Aeythylryd said, still standing in front of the troll. She had been walking backwards the whole time, watching Yexa for any sign of distress.</p><p>The two men stopped walking instantly. She was thankful for the break if not a little embarrassed. She had the longest stride by far with her long legs but she hadn’t even gone twenty feet before needed to rest.</p><p>“We’re going to go ahead. I’ll get some tea ready!” Morgana called from up ahead. Her and Oswalt walked to the large house in the distance.</p><p>It was daunting how far away it seemed. If it were anyone else in the party, Yexa would have just picked them up and carried them the whole way. As it stood, though, not a single one of her companions could possibly carry her. Her mind went to a previous companion, a firbolg, who could probably have carried her.</p><p>Then again...she probably wouldn’t have let him.</p><p>“Okay,” she said after a minute of rest. “I’m ready.”</p><p>They started the trek again. Her legs were still quite wobbly but she was determined to get to the house. She thought about the pool of water that flowed into the house from magical means. Yexa wasn’t sure she had ever been so happy that the eladrin had allowed them to stay there even while he was away to a different continent on business.</p><p>It felt like it took hours to close the distance but once she was inside the house, her legs gave out on her. Three pairs of hands were there to grab her before she fell completely, settling her on the ground gently. The numbness was gone and in its place...pain, unimaginable pain. Her breath was heaving, sweat dotted her brow and her body was electric with pain.</p><p>Aethelryd sat down in front of her. There was a cup of steaming water in her hand. It smelt...off. She could comprehend that it was tea, which Morgana made often, but her sense of smell wasn’t working properly.</p><p>A warm blanket was draped over her shoulders along with two very small, frail arms. The comfort of feeling Morgana’s body pressed against her back was too much. It caused tears to sting at the corners of her eyes. She held it back out of habit. She couldn’t cry. It would dishearten her teammates and she couldn’t bear that.</p><p>“Come on, let’s get her to the bed,” Aethelryd told the others. “I can’t cast any more spells. Romando can you heal her a bit more?”</p><p>“Sure thing,” the druid replied, suddenly placing a hand on Yexa’s arm.</p><p>Warmth flooded her again but it didn’t touch the ache inside the troll’s chest. She could feel her external wounds closing up, stitching together and disappearing without a scar but even through the smooth blue skin...Yexa felt the damage under the surface. It was a hurt that healing magic couldn’t mend.</p><p>“Come on,” Romando whispered, offering his lithe hand. He was deceptively strong, Yexa knew this, but she felt so very heavy. The thought of standing was daunting; she just wanted to stay there on the floor, wrapped in the blanket and her friend’s arms.</p><p>She couldn’t, if she let her tired body call the shots then she’d never get up. There was work to be done. “Thanks,” she winced, grabbing the hand with her own shaking one.</p><p>He hauled her to her feet and Aethelryd was there at her side. Her slim arm wrapped around her waist, steadying her. The beautiful woman’s silver head barely came up to Yexa’s breastplate but she seemed determined to help. The troll could see the wounds on the woman’s body. She could faintly smell the blood under the sorceress’ robe. Even through that, the woman had wasted all of her magical power on Yexa.</p><p>Oswalt had started a fire in the stove, keeping his distance. It made sense, the man was a loner but it was obvious he was trying to help in the only way he knew how. Atlas was preparing some meat for cooking, glancing over his shoulder as Romando and Aethelryd helped her past to the only room in the manor.</p><p>She caught herself on the wall of the hallway as pain lanced through her body. Her friends stopped to let her gather her wits. Once everything had settled into a dull ache, she continued the last few feet into the room. She flopped down onto the lush bed, slouching into herself.</p><p>“Let’s get this armor off of you,” the aasimar woman whispered, reaching over Yexa’s shoulder to work the latches. Morgana was there to help, climbing up on the bed behind her. Each piece was given to Romando who started mending the dents and imperfections.</p><p>Once she was in her underclothing, Yexa felt a hundred pounds lighter. Her armor had never been a burden before but as it was shed...she felt better. Romando left with her armor, leaving only the two women.</p><p>“Do you need help getting out of your clothes?” Morgana asked from behind her.</p><p>“No, I’ve got it,” Yexa smiled, thankful for the two women. Aethelryd quickly exited out of the room and came back with a fresh set of common clothing. She reached down to pull her shirt off but found lifting her arms over her head almost impossible.</p><p>Morgana helped, tugging the shirt tenderly up and off of her head. The troll had never worried about being naked before but there was something about the women seeing her so vulnerable that had her embarrassed. It wasn’t like she had any new scars. No, her teammates’ healing made sure her wounds hadn’t left any lasting impressions but she felt like the two could <em>see</em> how weak and, truthfully, scared she was.</p><p>Aethelryd helped her get her arms into the clean shirt and over her head. “Your pants don’t look too bad,” she said tenderly, helping Yexa to lie down so Morgana could pull the blanket over top of her. “You need rest more than anything else. It’ll help you feel better.”</p><p>“We’re not going to do the ritual until you’ve gotten some sleep, okay?” Morgana asked, resting her arms on the edge of the bed.</p><p>Damn it, Yexa had completely forgotten about the ritual. It was the whole reason they had gone into that orc temple in the first place. “We need to do it now,” Yexa groaned, trying to sit up again.</p><p>“Oh no you don’t,” the aasimar laughed, pushing her gently back down. “We’re not in any rush, Yexa. The portal will open no matter what time we do it. The most important thing to worry about is your health.”</p><p>Reluctantly, Yexa let the much weaker woman push her back into the bed. She immediately felt her eyes grow heavy, her body demanding she sleep. “Fine,” Yexa mumbled, irritable. “Don’t let me sleep too long.”</p><p>“Of course,” Aethelryd smiled, walking to the door with Morgana. “When you wake up, we’ll have some food for you ready.”</p><p>The words barely registered as sleep stole her away.</p><p>Yexa stood in a banquet hall, one that seemed familiar. She was surrounded by noise, merriment and the smells of delicious food. Trolls and goblins with Batari brandings sat at various tables stacked high with food that brought back memories of childhood, hunts and family.</p><p>
  <em>Yexa the Wanderer…</em>
</p><p>She turned away from the paradise before her to see the doors to the hall open. Her red eyes widened at the sight before her. The Avatar of Ubtao stood outside of the doors, staring at her with terrifyingly intelligent eyes. It was hunched over with all four fists on the ground.</p><p>
  <em>Yexa, Champion of Ubtao…</em>
</p><p>A shiver passed down her spine as she felt the air behind her grow cold and clammy. Glancing over her shoulder, she found herself staring at the entity that caused all of this chaos. A black that sucks in the very light around it, continuously oozing a sludge that made no impression on the ground and looked at her with white, bottomless eyes.</p><p>The hall was empty. Everything living has gone and in its place was...nothing. The silence was oppressive, terrifying. Her throat tightened, jaw clenched as fear spread through her chest. One word echoed from the creature, rattling around in her mind like a warning:</p><p>
  <em>Unworthy.</em>
</p><p>“No,” she whispered, taking a step back. She turned to rush out of the doors but they seemed so far away suddenly. Her feet felt like they were sinking into the ground and she could feel the cold from the creature at her back getting closer.</p><p>She looked over her shoulder in just enough time for the creature to overtake her.</p><p>Yexa jerked awake, staring up at the ceiling, disoriented. She wasn’t sure where she was for a moment, until she looked around and got her bearings. There was sweat dotting her brow and her teeth chattered. She wasn’t cold, no, she was very warm under the blanket. The fear in her chest was making her tremble.</p><p>She closed her eyes and took stock of her body. She couldn’t remember a time when she had been so tired. Her body ached in a way that she couldn’t quite describe. It wasn’t the ache of muscles used for too long; nor was it the stress of using up all of her resources both magical and physical; and it definitely wasn’t the soreness after a chase.</p><p>No, this ache was deeper...more...spiritual.</p><p>She had always believed, as most trolls did, that the ancestors and spirits looked after them. Her faith in the environment to provide for her had never been shaken. She respected nature in all of its beautiful, destructive glory. There hadn’t been much time to think about her own spirit, however.</p><p>So, she laid there just staring at the ceiling. Her body was so exhausted, begged for the release of sleep; and yet, her mind wouldn’t shut down. It felt like an eternity that she sat there, staring and waiting for sleep to take her.</p><p>But it never did. It was her own fault. The fear had yet to subside. She didn’t want to have to face that creature again. It had haunted her since she was a youngling. She had fought it twice now. She had thought the first battle on the pirate ship would be enough; she had thought once the darkness cleared, the blue sky peeked through the dark clouds, that it was over. She could remember yelling out in triumph with the other trolls and pirates once everything was finished.</p><p>But they had celebrated too soon.</p><p>Sitting up, she ran her hand over her face. She could feel a strange shaking in her chest; her hands were weak and trembling. Wringing her long fingers, Yexa decided it was probably best to leave her friends to sleep. They had a big night ahead of them.</p><p>She knew the bed might be the reason she wasn’t sleeping; she, truthfully, wasn’t used to sleeping on such a soft material. She was more accustomed to sleeping on the ground or in a hammock.</p><p>Not the quietest creature normally, she tiptoed around the various people sleeping on the ground in the living area. She successfully made it out the backdoor into the early evening air on the small private stretch of beach behind the house. Yexa had hardly closed the door before her legs gave out and she found herself sitting in the sand.</p><p>Lifting a knee, she rested her forehead on it. She was proud of herself for getting this far. However long she had slept had done her some good. Her limbs were nearly as shaky as they had been earlier and she could smell the salty sea on the wind a little better.</p><p>She heard the door behind her open at some point. There were footsteps on the steps that led down to the sand. The person wasn’t trying to be stealthy, so as not to startle Yexa, probably. The troll was just glad that she could hear a little better.</p><p>“You should be sleeping,” she heard a soft, melodic voice say behind her. It didn’t surprise her when Aethelryd sat down next to her. Silver hair with golden highlights gleamed in the setting sunlight as she tossed her long braid over her shoulder. The woman was an actress from a whole other continent and a damn fine spellcaster as well. She was kind, genuine so it was no surprise she had taken to mothering Yexa since she woke up.</p><p>“I know,” Yexa responded, wincing when her voice came out hoarse. “I tried. I just...can’t.”</p><p>Aethelryd was quiet for a second, listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. “You went through a very traumatic experience, Yexa,” she reassured, looking up at the troll with her crystalline blue eyes. “Do you...want to talk about what’s bothering you?”</p><p>“I’m not...really sure how to describe it,” Yexa laughed, which came out sounding scratchy. “It didn’t even feel like dying. One minute I’m running up to the orc shaman and the next minute...I’m standing at the door to a large, ornate building. The doors open and I find myself staring at a banquet hall full of trolls and goblins. They lift their glasses to me, yelling my name.”</p><p>Yexa stared into the ocean, unable to look at the aasimar’s aristocratic face. She knew how crazy this all sounded. “I am approached by some of the trolls from my tribe back home. They guide me to a table where my plate is stacked with all sorts of traditional food. One, a huntress from my tribe, Jak’ti, pats me on the back with a smile and tells me that...I’m home,” her throat clenches a little at the word.</p><p>She could feel the warmth that had spread through her chest-the relief-at knowing she was done. Tears clouded the troll’s vision. She quickly wiped at them with long blue fingers, trying to hide them. Aethelryd had gone through so much to bring her back; Yexa didn’t want the actress to think her ungrateful.</p><p>“I’m not sure how long I sat at the table, listening to the heroic tales of the trolls around me while I ate my fill,” she continued once her tears were under control. “Then, while I sat there...I heard your voice.”</p><p>The woman perked up a little as Yexa finally looked at her. There was a glimmer in her eye, denoting the fact that she was really excited to hear what Yexa had to say. It was...nice. Yexa would be the first one to admit that she wasn’t the greatest talker. She was smart, no doubt, but people-skills were not something she ever had a need for, especially around other trolls.</p><p>“You said my name,” Yexa whispered, trying not to look like a deer in the headlights. The sorceress was just looking at her so hard, so intensely. “You were calling me and I remembered...the Batari...our companions…I had something to finish. So, I stood up...and there you were. You were standing just outside the doors.”</p><p>The troll could clearly see the woman’s face in her mind as she stood innocently outside the doors. There was a calm, reassuring smile on her face and she slowly offered her hand when Yexa got closer. It wasn’t until she was right at the doors that a different, more sinister voice cut through.</p><p>
  <em>Stay...you’ve done enough, Yexa.</em>
</p><p>Yexa refused to tell Aethelryd what she saw when she looked into the nothing of that celestial plane. The creature from her nightmare as black as death, perpetually oozing with white eyes empty of any shred of emotion. It was looking at the troll, she could <em>feel </em>it. She knew exactly what it was:</p><p>The Void.</p><p>“I took your hand,” she continued, hoping the pause wasn’t so obvious that she left something out. “And...I woke up.”</p><p>Aethelryd was quiet for a few moments, contemplating. It almost seemed like she didn’t want to offend Yexa. “Did...you want to stay?” she finally said, looking a little scared to know the answer.</p><p>“No,” Yexa answered immediately. “I can rest after The Void is wiped off this plane.”</p><p>Yexa jumped a little when her hand was taken by the other woman. She stared at how small the pristine, porcelain hand was compared to her long, scarred blue one. “I can...stay with you while you sleep, if you think that will help,” Aethelryd whispered, looking up at the troll with her big, crystalline eyes. They were full of understanding and devoid of judgment.</p><p>They sat there for a moment in silence until Yexa slowly, hesitantly, settled with her head on the woman’s small lap. Aethelryd gently moved some of Yexa’s braids out of the way. “Can…” the troll stopped, unsure.</p><p>“Hm?” she said, undoing one of the braids to replait it.</p><p>“Can you sing for me?” she finally asked, figuring the worse the woman could say was no. She didn’t tell the aasimar that her mother used to sing right outside their hut after Yexa had been put down to bed. She could distinctly remember her mother’s smooth, sweet voice lulling her to sleep.</p><p>She had only ever heard Aethelryd sing once before while they were setting up camp. It was almost an absent thing for the aasimar, alternating between humming and singing. Being the only one there, Yexa had been transfixed by the woman’s gentle, effortlessly beautiful voice.</p><p>Aethelryd smiled sweetly down at her. “Of course.”</p><p>What came out of the spellcaster’s mouth was more than Yexa could have asked for. It was a high, languid song sung in a language the troll had no way of even identifying. It instantly soothed every aching part of her like a wash of warmth from healing magic. She didn’t need to understand the words to know the feeling she was trying to express.</p><p>Tears, hot and stinging prickled at the edges of her eyes, as she thought of hunting parties, running through the jungle, leaping from branch to branch with a spear in her hand. Simple. She was thinking of when her life was simple and not this whirlwind of chaos...fighting for her life...for the life of her companions...for the lives of people she didn’t even know.</p><p>Every blow she had ever taken...every time she had gotten back up to her feet even two steps away from death...nothing hurt more than knowing she couldn’t afford to die. The Avatar of an ancient deity had given Aethelryd the power to bring her back. An old being that had seen things Yexa would never understand had awakened and brought them a diamond just so she could walk out the doors of the great feasting hall.</p><p>Tears slipped down her cheeks, a sob wracked her body for the first time since she was a child. Instead of her mother’s calloused hands brushing the tears away...a soft, smooth thumb caught the drop to keep it from running away. She didn’t even have the energy to feel embarrassed that the aasimar was seeing her so vulnerable.</p><p>No, she just cried. Forget that she could take more hits than anyone else in the party...forget that even as the blood dripped down her body, she healed the cuts away...forget that she could lift and toss most of her teammates…</p><p>She forgot it all and just....cried. She allowed herself to be weak. She allowed herself, the Champion of Ubtao, to regret the paradise lost and accept that she had more work to do. Rest could come later. She had an unspeakable eldritch terror to destroy.</p><p>Tomorrow, once the tears dried and she felt stronger...she’d get up and carry on. But...for now, she got lost in the sad song and gentle touches. She allowed herself to just...be.</p><p>Eventually, sleep took over and her mind shut down.</p>
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